It has been a while and after prayerful contemplation, I am prepared to bring myself into accountabilty to you, once again. Tonight I was thinking of the parameters we most frequently embrace, in our dealings with the faults of others, and our own personal misgivings as well:
1. For those, in our opinion, that mess up really bad, we tend to want to wash our hands of them.
2. On the other hand, when the tables are turned and we mess up really bad, others should somehow, mysteriously understand the circumstances.
This is unfair, unbalanced and simply not cool; but it is the unfortunate premise by which we most often operate. Today, I am hopeful that we can move beyond this philosophy, towards another that is more equitable, consistent, and will also allow us to sleep better at night.
Let's begin this journey with a short, short story that will lead directly into our topic.
About a week ago, I received a phone call from a relative that was concerned about how he/she should handle re-entering a social setting where he/she may or may not be welcomed with open arms. I shared with my relative what I will now share with you. There are two principles that we must acknowledge, Thus, when we are assessing painful or negative interractions with others, we can determine our responses accordingly:
1. Give people room to fall. In order to implement this principle, a simple question must first be asked. What is the motive of the person that we are interracting with? Very few people wake up in the morning and say to themselves, "How can I hurt Dr. Wick Daddy today?" Typically the wound that is inflicted is the result of a person's own internal pain. I have asked God, in the past, to allow me to look past the hurt that I may have experienced and to focus on the pain that may have brought the other person, to a place of anger or sadness. More often than not, this has been a tremendous help. My mentor taught me that hurt people do hurt people, which is how I actually learned to address this matter in prayer. This process, when practiced, gives others the "room" that they need to turn around, get up and get themselves together. Whether they apologize to us or not is irrelevant. We walk in forgiveness, so that we position ourselves to receive mercy from God Himself and from God, through others.
2. Guard access to yourself. For the few people that do wake up in the morning with an agenda of bringing the pain to anyone that crosses their path, we must decide to guard access to ourselves. We know who these people are. We have tolerated them in the past, but so that there is no stone left unturned, let's identify some of their markings:
- constant gossip
- argumentative personality
- loud or obnoxious behavior
- repeated physical confrontations with others
- consistent mood swings
- frequent jealousy streaks
- Blocking friends on Facebook. (I've done this with friends have an obsession with profanity.)
- Downgrading from accepting phone calls to text communication only.
- Avoiding 'drama zones' (night clubs, spots where you and ex spent time, certain neighborhoods where you've had problems previously, etc.)
- Asking those who bring you negative information about others, if they've taken the time to speak with those persons, directly. (If they have not, this would be deemed as gossip. Furthermore, if this is the case, there is a 99% chance, that they're dropping bombs on you as well............in your absence, of course.)
I thank you for your time and I love you like my babies love Happy Meals!
Good night.
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