Forgiveness & Distance

This post is as much a declaration of my freedom from anger, hurt & disappointment as it is a tool that I'm hopeful will be able to equip every reader, should you ever encounter a similar event.
There are 3 people that I will converse with you about, just to set a backdrop for this post: 

The backdrop dialogue will be italicized. (written in a font that slick and leans to the side.)

All jokes aside, here we go:

Person #1 is the informant.
Person #2 is the victim
Person #3 is the perpetrator

Although I will not disclose the context of each of my relationships with these three persons, I will simply state that I have known Person #1 since I was born. Persons #2 & #3, I have known since they were born. So let us begin.

Person #1 informed me that Person #2 had a significant emotional event. This event, admittedly, was simply a by product of a series of events and wrong choices that had occurred over Person #2's lifetime.

Ironically though, this event was transformational, because of one simple twist: He/She was asked if he/she was ever abused as a child. Person #2 had unknowingly, subconsciously suppressed the event; however, his/her answer was yes.

I applauded Person #2's courage of being able to be honest about the event. He/she has chosen not to go to the authorities or confront the Person #3, because the act involved others and Person #2 was uncertain as to the impact that full disclosure might have on them.

But my dilemma was trying to figure out how to deal with Person #3, because I, over the years have interacted with Person #3, over the years and had even received an invitation to have our families spend time together. I was totally open to reconnecting with Person #3, because I had no knowledge of this evil act that occurred many years ago.

Now that the details are out of the way, I can now address the topic of the post. My response consisted of the following steps.

1. Forgiveness - Everyone, to greater or lesser degrees and has hurt someone. An unforgiving heart does nothing but produce emotional super glue that binds you to a person that has already done enough damage and has long since forgotten about the pain that they've caused. Forgiveness frees you and empowers God ot render judgment, because you have chosen not to cast yours.

2. Disconnection - Forgiveness should never equal amnesia or stupidity. After having survived a traumatic event, whether it involves a loved one, co-worker or relative, it is now your responsibility to protect yourself and those for whom you are personally and emotionally responsible. If the cycle  repeats itself, in your presence, then it is your fault, if you have prior knowledge of the pattern. And by the way, when it comes to sexual abuse, a pattern is defined by ONE event, not two or three. Cool? OK. In other words, no visits, Facebook, dinner invitations or sleepovers, if these settings are outside of your comfort zone.

3. Distance - If there is a funeral, family reunion, or a mandatory gathering for your employer, please use common sense. You don't have life your life under a self-imposed restraining order, unless you feel that the situation deems it necessary for you to conduct yourself in this manner. But, honestly, if it has gotten to this extreme, then the authorities probably should have been made aware of it by now anyway.

Well, I hope that this post has been helpful.

I feel much better now.

Dr. Wick Daddy is retiring to a bowl of ice cream.

God bless.

Peace family and remember to party at least once, every 24 hours; I do.