The Relationship Series: Blended families, unblended fathers.

Good evening Dr.W.D. family,

I am submitting this entry for your review after much angst and inner turmoil. It has become quite obvious that this is an issue that is near and dear to me.

Hence, I shall now begin.


Many of you may not know that I am the father of eight children. All of them were raised in my home and under my care. However, my eldest child and son, is a product of my first marriage; which ended at the ripe old age of 24.

My current wife and soul mate, to whom I have been married for over 15 years, is the mother of my latter seven children.

I am sharing this information, so that there will be context given as a backdrop for this commentary.

As a father, I pursued my eldest child relentlessly. In essence, I constantly engaged his mother in dialogue, regarding my eldest, living with me on a full time basis. There were two primary reasons for this pursuit.

1. I never wanted my son to feel that he wasn't wanted by his father. I, personally, could not stomach the idea of one my offspring walking this planet without me having a direct influence in his/her life.
2. I knew that I was primarily responsible for raising him to be a man. I do not believe that his mother was incapable, however, I do believe that there were certain life experience preparations, that he could only glean from me.

Now.......to my point. It has just occurred to me recently, that I actually has two individuals that I have been in relationship with, for over ten years, respectively. Regarding both parties, they each have children from previous unions. Neither of the individuals has had one conversation with me about the well being of these children. I consider them to be moral, upstanding men, but the eeriness of this realization has not left my mind since Father's Day. It is almost as if these children don't exist.

Now, in their defense, I may be overestimating the value of my relationship with these men. In other words, they may hold me, relationally, as close of a friend, as I hold them. They may simply be having conversations of this nature with other people. If this is the case, I humbly stand corrected.

Additionally, there is a third individual that I had to separate myself from. He simply abandoned his first two children, emotionally, after his divorce. He has a new family now and they are the new priority. I had to sever close ties with him because I am the godfather of the children from the first family.

Divorce is traumatizing for everyone involved. But, based on my personal experience, it seems much more devastating to the most innocent parties: the children. Even if there is no marriage, the child may lose either parent, in the event of a breakup as well.

Fathers of blended or severed families, I am pleading with you to make every effort to pursue your children. They need to know that you love them and want to be in their presence.

Mothers of broken families, please allow your child to spend time with their father, if he has a desire and it is emotionally and physically safe for you to do so.

Mothers coming into a blended or previously severed family, please be sensitive to the needs of the child. They may feel betrayed because they were in their parent's life before you were. I was blessed to have a wife that accepted both my son and me. She left the discipline up to me. She also gave him a special name to use to call her. She didn't ask him to call her "Mom". He already had a mother and she never tried to replace her.

Fathers, I want to challenge you to be the best Dads you can be. It is not about money, it is not about taking trips and going to amusement parks. Those are not bad things, but if they become the primary focus, then the role of Dad can become discouraging. Our time is what is most needed. Pats on the back, hugs, eye contact, consistent phone calls, and even being transparent about our own mistakes are all priceless gifts.

These small adjustments can have a greater impact on our society than any march on Washington, D.C. or any government stimulus handouts, ever could.

Today is the day.

Now is the time.

Happy (belated) Father's Day to each of you and good night.


Dr. Wick Daddy
Copyright 2011


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